I met this guy

There’s this guy I met in an online dating app, it’s the so-called OkCupid. To be honest, most of the people there looking for fun, casual sex and if had a chance, a lover or a partner. I am not literally looking for fun, but I am just lurking around and see what’s going on, see the faces of handsome guys, and read their profile. Because I know I had no chance to date them because I am only an ordinary girl with no appeal. I am just a normal human being. There are guys who sends me messages, but it’s all the same like “Hi” “How are you” “Hello”… For me, it doesn’t make sense, maybe find another line to start a conversation?

Going back to the guy I just met a few days ago, well I think it’s already a week. It was so surprising that he is living behind our place. Just a few walks and tada! So I had a chance to meet him in person. The first time I met him, he said he’s just gonna pass by to my place since his way going to the bus stop is there. It’s unplanned and a surprise, so I went downstairs and saw him waiting for me. He’s very tall, about 186cm?? For me he is tall because I am Asian. He got a nice pointed nose, fair skin, deep set eye, I think his eye is blue, a dirty blonde hair (I am not good in naming hair colours though), and he smells good. He’s from Ukraine, decent and very friendly. Seems like I found a prince charming. hahaha.

I liked him, maybe love at first sight? haha. Maybe I got attracted by his height and eyes. The first time I saw him and talked to him, I am very nervous and I can’t even look at his eyes because I am shy. It was so funny he smelled me, I didn’t know he’s gonna do that… Luckily I smell nice haha :(( and I like when he smiles. The meeting was short because he got to go. I am so happy to see a guy like him. I went upstairs and left me a giggle.

After that, we used to talk in whatsapp, but I think I talk more. I used to share pictures that I took from different places and other funny stuffs I found in the internet. I asked him a lot of questions because I am interested to him. One day, I asked him what are his travel plans, if he had done diving or what he usually does in weekend. I wanted to go to Bali and try some water adventures there, and asked him if he wanna go. He would love too but then, he’s going to leave soon and besides he got no Indonesia VISA yet. He’s gonna leave Singapore maybe on the 1st or 2nd week of June and will fly to northern Europe. I feel like I got hit by a very sharp arrow in my heart and started to cry. But it’s okay, that’s how it is. People come and go, even a short period of time.

I had so much fun every time we take a walk in the park and chat about things. Share a few experiences. I wish he could stay longer because I want to make friends with him and hang out. He’s cool.

photo credit: Waheed Akhtar Photography via photopin cc

I used to go behind Labrador Park, from there I walk going to Keppel Bay and Reflections. I like it because it is something I could never have. Something I can only see from far and would never have a chance to get in my hands. I see a lot of luxurious yatch, landed houses and condos. Happy family living together in a luxury. Very nice and neat place. Beautiful people and cute pets. I’ve been dreaming that one day I could bring my parents there, got a decent job that pays me well, travel and go to different places I want. Experience all the cultures and etc.

So this guy I met, I wish I could see him more often before he leaves Singapore. I want to spend sometime with him because I know he got interesting things to share with me.

Maybe I am lonely? Maybe I am looking for a partner? Maybe I am too tired being single? Maybe.
I don’t wanna be emo. As much as possible I stay away from my feelings because I might end up hurting myself again.
I also don’t want to assume and expect something because I know it’s not gonna happen. It won’t… and never will.

Here I am, wring this blog post, lonely, talking to myself. Why am I here? Why am I bound to be lonely?
I’m sick of being alone. Nobody wants to be alone, everyone deserves to be happy. Why can’t I be happy?

Design for a Cause


Design for a Cause.
Though I had been working as a Senior Web Designer in an IT Solutions company, my salary doesn’t give enough justice to pay me. It’s a long story why I’m earning this kind of amount, but to sum it all, when I moved to Singapore, I actually didn’t know what is my rate and having a doubt in currency so the company decided what to offer.

I noticed that cost of living in this country is too tough and I had to propel my career as a freelance designer to survive. It’s actually really tough to work as a foreigner in Singapore especially if you’re an ordinary worker because you only depend on your working VISA category. Once you quit your job, you make sure you have another company with a slot for foreigner-quota to hire you, otherwise, you have 30 day(s) to clear your things.

With the use of my skills in web technology, I’d like to re-brand my website as a personal fundraising site which will help me support my family and at the same time, my health. I know it’s impossible for me to do all these things in one-shot, and all these costs stop me from saving for my future. I had to risk and take a lot of projects even the price they wanted to pay is unreasonable.

This “Design for Cause” will express how much the opportunity means to me and how we can help each other meet our goals = (Client and Designer).

In the future, my design for a cause site will:
* I can offer you a customized design whether you want a personal blog site, informative start up company website or a simple e-Commerce site.
* Take your time to give me your website specifications, do not forget how much you’re willing to donate.
* Once I receive your specs, I’ll have to review and make evaluation then I’ll get back to you regarding to the materials I need, timeline and target launch date.

More details coming soon! 🙂

Wandering around Malacca and Kuala Lumpur

Nothing special. It was just Me and my friend Rey, together with his cousin, Robert went for an overnight trip going to Malaysia last March 16. We took a coach from Golden Mile Complex, Singapore at 11:00pm and approximately 2.5 – 3 hours to arrive Malacca City. One-way trip costs 25$ per head and if Two-way is at 45$. However, since we just bought the ticket the day before our departure, the returning trip schedules on Sunday were fully booked already.

On our way to Tuas exit, we went to sleep since we got nothing to do and at the same time, it’s a night trip. As the bus reached Malacca City, and the bus stopped for a moment at the so-called “Melaka Sentral”, there were only 2-3 people packed up and take off the bus. We have no idea it was our dropping point but my friend insisted that there might be another bus station since the coach driver didn’t informed that those passengers going to Malacca has reached their destination already.

While observing the calm and placid surroundings, our bus went to the express-way. Since it’s 3am, we don’t know where to go and there’s no public transport available, we just continued our sleep till we reached Kuala Lumpur at 5:30am. We decided to wander around the city, took some pics at Petronas and KL Tower then ate at McDonalds for breakie while waiting for 8:00am. Then we went to Terminal Bersepadu Selatan to take another coach going to Melaka. No hard feelings, costs only 15RM. It was fun tho! Unexpected trip to KL.

Finally we arrived our real destination by 12:00nn and ate our lunch before we walk to the hotel. Unfortunately, it is not advisable for us to walk since there’s no gutter lane for people and public transportation such as bus or train. Malacca is a very isolated and old-fashioned city. You would really feel the spirit of traditional Malay style. We had no choice but we took a cab (called as “teksi”), thought it’s gonna be very expensive but it costs us 15RM per ride no matter how near or far – but just within the city.

Super cheapo expenses and lots of walking if you don’t have a car or service. Just be careful 😀
We enjoyed our stay: Sort of wandering around the old streets, visited church that has been established for more than a century, eating local foods at Jonker Street, Take groupie/selfie pics, challenging motorist while crossing the road, and most of all – walk and walk till your feet covered by dusts and mud.

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To Leave a Mark

February 8, 2014, 3:00AM
I just got home from watching a late night movie screening. Me and my office-mate, Lynette, went to buy something in Vivocity after work. As usual it’s Friday, we treat ourselves to eat in a Japanese Ramen restaurant. I wanted to watch “Wolf of Wall-street” because I haven’t seen it yet but then, Lynette already did. So we ended up watching “The Book Thief”. Since it’s weekend, we took the last screening.

The Book Thief is a novel and was narrated by Death. When I say “Death”, it’s not a name of someone. It’s literally an “action or fact of dying”. Grim-reaper I think? Why am I talking about Death now? Because it’s a proven fact that we can’t control our life, at the same time as the narrator– Death. There’s no way he can control over life and death, and frequently calls upon God with, What if it’s tomorrow? on the next day? Maybe later? Who knows right? I am afraid of dying especially I haven’t done something for my family and for myself. I value my existence, and I just realize this thing when I was at 22yrs old.

Way back then when I was under my parents’ control, all I think is freedom. I want to get out and live independently. We’ve been there, done that. The point where we rage and get mad to our parents about their words: “We are right!”. How am I positioning myself to the movie? Death, parents, family and friends. For me, I always want to settle things before I leave. I don’t want to put a mark that something is missing. I also believe to the saying: “Pen is mightier than a sword”. Through all these years passed by, what was written in a piece of paper will be a mark to liberty. Each content was crafted by the author that even they were long gone, they are remembered.

As for me, Death will come to my life. So before I met him at the crossroad, I want to do everything that I can possibly do. I won’t waste every opportunity and privilege. I’m 23 years old at the moment of writing this current blog post. Life is too short, I was once a student before, trying to rush things, now I want to slow it down. How ironic isn’t it? Maybe it’s a part of growing up.

Designer behind the bars

Sometimes I enjoy my job being a designer: I feel proud that I’m the one behind the conceptual design, UX/Web strategy and integration. At the same time, I hate it because I signed a contract that whatever company/brand that I worked on, will be a property of my company and shall not claim as my personal work.

As for my portfolio, it’s gonna be private and will be sent for professional purpose only. Singapore legal affairs almost kicked my ass a year ago when I aired it publicly because some stalker used to search my name all over the internet and reported me. LOL #fail. (I made her a troll post – Click Here)

From that moment, I was in the hot seat in our company and some people also started to stalk my Facebook wall posts. So I deleted and blocked them because every post I made they assume that I am attacking someone they know. But honestly speaking, they are taking it personally, so better get off my crib. Sorry guys, but I want a freedom. <3

photo credit: Thomas Hawk via photopin cc

Being employed in an IT Solutions company or any web/digital agencies can be tough. First of all, your name doesn’t even have a credit, it’s gonna be the company or the brand itself. There are many factors that will affect if the credentials are directly pointed to that person.

1. Clash of the competitors
Normally, Most competitors stalks other companies. They want their features to be unique against same industry; They gather information from different sources and try to enhance what they miss.

2. Brand disappointment
Let’s say you’re a visitor of my website, and I do freelance design. You want to hire me because your impression to my website attracts you and it gives you the feeling that you can trust me. I own this website, so I can do better for my customer as well. But then, you found out that there’s a 3rd party involved which most of the concept came from another person. Would you feel cheated and disappointed? -Busted!

3. Personal Interest
Some companies hires freelancers so they can pay cheaper. If they know that this person is capable of everything, they can pay less than an agency/company price. Imagine “Company X” costs $50,000 for this project, while they can get $20,000 to a freelancers with the same quality?

4. Contract Infringement
Some employed designers like me signed a contract under our XXXX company. I agreed with their terms and conditions and once I fail to do so, I will be charged by legal affairs and will undergo into some sort of process.

I feel like a designer behind the bars. I have something but I can’t brag it. But that’s how it is.

I hate that I love you

After a long years of waiting. I am still waiting. I know being single is not an issue, but sometimes, you will really feel lonely. We need someone who will be there to keep us inspired, give courage and make life worth to live. I know I still have my parents, they’re always there no matter what happen, and I love them. They are the reason why I exist and they gave me an everlasting love, patience and understanding. Mama and Papa, my heroes.

I may not be a spiritually-inclined person, but I still believe that God has a plan for us. As I grow up, I become mature, independent and adventurous. I still need someone who will love me 🙁 and will accept for who I am. After all, I am only a normal human being. I get hurt, I need love, I need a kiss to caress me when I feel alone, a shoulder to lean on… and fuck it… I don’t have someone to cherish the moment.

Few months ago, I remember I’ve been blogging about this guy I met in an online game. Approximately, it has been 6 months since the last time I talked to him, he said he’s gonna be busy… In the end, just the same ordinary story about my love life (well my e-love life I guess…) he disappeared without leaving any words. Four (4) guys over the internet ditched me. I know it sounds so fucking stupid, but what can I do? We’re in a tech-era. Social networking, online games, internet shit and this and that…

I had been an avid online girl gamer since year 2004. I played different MMORPG, and it has been my social life in the internet. On the other hand, I met some of the players in real life too. Up until now, I am still connected to some of my guild-mates even we are no longer playing games while others still play. Being a gamer, I had e-boyfriend(s), I also experienced e-dramas and sometimes when it’s too serious, it affects -real life. I came to the point that I stopped playing “Jade Dynasty” which is – the online game that I played for the longest period of time. I started at the original English version year 2008 called Zhu Xian published on Philippine server, and after the gaming publisher failed the marketing, I transferred to Jade Dynasty, US Server at year 2010. I once made a history in that game, and my name was never been a good impression because of the people who hated me. Some took it personally, some of them became my friends… and met them in real life too.


I hate that I love this guy up until now, even he’s no longer talking to me. I am still hoping to see him one day. I am still here waiting. I wrote this blog because, I am tired of online games, and I want to settle for a long term relationship. I am turning 24 this year, and do you think I am still young? Yes I am young, but I realized that the world is too small, and our life is too short. Who knows on the next day, there would be an accident? (Knock on the wood)… but just saying… Who knows? We will never know what will happen to our life, because life goes on and once it stopped, it’ll be a sad story if you never achieved something fruitful when you’re still in this earth.

Before I leave, I want to make my parents happy and be with someone’s arm. We’re all the same, and we want a family. I hate that I still love you although Kaan doesn’t really love me. I’m actually supposed to send my CVs and cover-letters to some New Zealand companies because I am hoping I could get another opportunity since my working visa in Singapore will gonna expire in 2 months. But then, I saw this guy suddenly got online in Skype, my emotion burst and made me cry… so I blogged again 🙁

I totally hate you… but I love you… still.

PS: I QUIT playing online games. There’s no way that I am getting back there. It just make me sad. I will travel the world, and that’s my quest.

I travel because I want to see how beautiful the world is

I travel

This photo was taken by me on Top of the Rock, New York City last January 7, 2014. I really had fun traveling and meeting new people from different places during my 3-weeks stay in USA. For all I thought it’s gonna be very scary but I was wrong. It was a great experience to navigate and explore the big city.

The unforgettable moment is the New Year’s Eve 2014 countdown in Time Square. It’s really my first time to wait for almost 8-hours standing in a very cold and chilling weather sacrificing myself not to eat and drink because there’s no way of getting back your spot. There’s no bathroom to take a leak. It’s your-own-risk challenge how long can you stand waiting for the sake of 10-seconds countdown and witness the ball drop. I know some people say it’s stupid but why don’t we try how stupid it is? LOL.

At that time, I’ve been thinking crazy and trying to imagine things of what will happen to me if I freeze to death? Hahaha. To experience it one-time is enough. I won’t do it again, and I am proud that I’ve created something priceless event in my life.

I also met some of the couchsurfers before and after the countdown. We hang out, go to different attractions together, walk around and share our laughters. We also hop on to different PUBs and get along with the locals. They are very friendly and amazing. They will make you feel you are welcome and never treat you as a stranger.

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I also visited my friends from Maryland, Washington, Virginia and Boston. They toured me around and they can’t believe that I am brave enough to go alone in different states. I just believe to myself that I can do it because your life has no meaning if you can’t do things on your own.

I’m still young, I will travel the world, because I want to see how beautiful the world is.  It’s not yet too late. There’s a lot of things will happen to us in the next 10 years. Why waste time if we can still meet new people from different places, then we’ll realize that we have one thing in common.

I love my family

I miss my mom and dad. It has been 2 years since I didn’t celebrate Christmas and New Year’s Eve with them. I didn’t know being an Overseas Worker will give a huge impact about my attachment with my parents. Maybe it’s a part of growing up that I actually want to spend my time with them.

I am not saying that I’m already too old to say these things but I just feel more mature. When I was at age 16, I always want to stay away from them and do my own stuffs: be free, party all night, hang out with friends and just be happy. I realized that what I wanted is a selfish move. Maybe I didn’t understand yet how important to have a family.

Sometimes I feel guilty when I skip to talk to my mom in skype whenever she looks for me. I feel bad that I prefer to be busy and ignore them than to give atleast few minutes to talk and say how’s everything.

My parents are VIP to my life. They are always there no matter what happen, through rain or shine.

I was an avid online gamer that stays infront of my PC for more than 8 hours. Whenever I view myself from the past, I feel sad and at the same time – laughing. I miss my dad every-time he caught me playing games till 3am, I rush to glance in my bedroom. I miss my mom every-time I forgot to do household chores and argue with her. I miss my parents every-time I did something silly and both of them giving me non-stop lecture.

You’re always in my heart. I love you so much. Thank you for all the things  that you had done to me. You’re the best gift I ever had in my life.

To my mom: I know you’re talkative, but I think you’re just to overwhelmed and feel blessed to have me as your daughter. To my dad: I know you’re strict, but I think you’re just very careful with your only daughter. To both of you: I love you so much. You’re irreplaceable. Thank you so much for the hard-work and patience. I hope this 2014 will give us another hope, blessings and good health.

For all the people out there, love your family especially your parents. Spend all your time while they are still here. Better to do all the things before it’s too late and regret.

You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone.

I know it’s an emo side of me. LOL. Too dramatic. This song keeps playing on my head.
While waiting for my trip to USA, I always have a bad feeling. Maybe because it’ll be my first time to tour alone especially to a very fucking far place and I am not used with the weather.

I don’t know if it’s a bad thing or what. I just feel scared and start to imagining things of what will really gonna happen to me there. I just have to survive from the negative temperature. I know it’ll gonna be alright. Everything will be alright. I just feel something different.

Too excited? Maybe yes, Maybe – No. So from all these worries, I bought a Travel-shield insurance from DBS Bank. Just in-case something wrong happened to me, someone will save me. Hopefully.

I want to write a travel journal. Maybe a countdown till my flight, during my flight, my experiences along the road and such. I want to take a lot of pictures and treasure it. My passport is my personal status. It will how rich my memories are.

I’ve got my ticket for long way ’round
Two bottles of whiskey for the way
And I sure would like some sweet company
and I’m leaving tomorrow, whatdya say?

When I’m gone, when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me by my hair
You’re gonna miss me everywhere
And I know you’re gonna miss me when I’m gone

I’ve got my ticket for the long way ’round
The one with the prettiest view
It’s got mountains, it’s got rivers
It’s got sights to give you shivers
But it sure would be prettier with you

When I’m gone, when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me by my hair
You’re gonna miss me everywhere
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone

When I’m gone, when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me by my walk
You’re gonna miss me by my talk
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone

New York Countdown (Story 3)

December 4: Me and my friend decided that I am the only one going to New York since our ticket is non-refundable, so there is no point of cancelling it. Based on our understanding from a call center in Emirates, there is a “eRefund Voucher” feature on “My Dashboard” account from their website. This will cancel the flight and will make it as a voucher where we can use it for future bookings. But it’s not the function. It will refund your whole ticket automatically without any levels of confirmation.

I filled up all the necessary fields on their web form and submitted it. I received a copy to my email stating an acknowledgement that they received our request and will take an action as soon as possible. For me, I had been waiting for an email confirmation or any sort of call from the airlines, but I didn’t get any.

So, by December 6: I called their hotline to make a clarification that I only want to cancel my friend’s flight and use it for future bookings. We also discussed and agreed that there would be a cancellation fee of 100$ + if we want to make it as an open ticket, it’s gonna be another +100$ which is valid for 1 year. Once, we’re ready for booking, a rebooking fee of $200 will be charged. We really agreed with the penalty fees instead of losing the ticket for nothing.

The Emirates customer care asked me also many times if I will only do this for my friend.. I said YES many times. “Yes, I want to cancel my <friend’s name>’s flight and I am the only one traveling.”, “Yes, we agree to pay the penalty fee.”

After all the 35-minutes talk, I feel relieved because my concern was addressed properly and resolved immediately. So it is confirmed that I am the only one traveling.

December 9: I was talking to my housemate about what happened to my friend, and then that night, I was trying to show off the ticket online… Unfortunately, BOTH OF OUR TICKETS were gone. I am on panic mode and I really want to cry. I called the hotline and it really crushed my heart of what I heard from the agent. He said that my booking is no longer active and they can’t do anything about it. The flight has been cancelled and processed the refunds.

I had been yelling and explaining to him about what happen but they insist of “I suggest that you should just buy a new ticket. We can’t do anything from your old booking.” – Really!!?! Oh my fucking gawd! It’s really stressful and at the same time, very heart breaking. The Emirates agent said that I made a refunds from December 4 and they processed it. I been insisting him about what happened to my December 6 call? It has been ignored? How come that their system didn’t know my logs and previous transactions? When it comes to money sucking – they are very alert… but when it comes to customer’s complaint or flight problems, – they don’t just give a fuck to help you!

I even lodge a police report in Clementi Singapore wherein it’s near my place. Police told me that they are sorry of what happened but they cannot do anything about it. But then, they referred me to Consumer Association of Singapore (CASE). It is the local consumer watchdog aiming to inform, educate and protect consumers. I also lodge a complaint, and they said they can’t guarantee to process it within a week especially that my intended flight is coming soon, so I must be patient about the complaint procedures.

I cannot take it. I can’t help it. By December 11, I bought another ticket to Emirates and my flight was moved and the stay is prolonged. Emirates made such an injustice action that really made me upset. Even my friend too. We both lose money. It’s not what we intend to happen. They fucked us up.

After all the things happened to me and my friend…. I don’t know if my vacation would be alright. I don’t know.