There’s this guy I met in an online dating app, it’s the so-called OkCupid. To be honest, most of the people there looking for fun, casual sex and if had a chance, a lover or a partner. I am not literally looking for fun, but I am just lurking around and see what’s going on, see the faces of handsome guys, and read their profile. Because I know I had no chance to date them because I am only an ordinary girl with no appeal. I am just a normal human being. There are guys who sends me messages, but it’s all the same like “Hi” “How are you” “Hello”… For me, it doesn’t make sense, maybe find another line to start a conversation?
Going back to the guy I just met a few days ago, well I think it’s already a week. It was so surprising that he is living behind our place. Just a few walks and tada! So I had a chance to meet him in person. The first time I met him, he said he’s just gonna pass by to my place since his way going to the bus stop is there. It’s unplanned and a surprise, so I went downstairs and saw him waiting for me. He’s very tall, about 186cm?? For me he is tall because I am Asian. He got a nice pointed nose, fair skin, deep set eye, I think his eye is blue, a dirty blonde hair (I am not good in naming hair colours though), and he smells good. He’s from Ukraine, decent and very friendly. Seems like I found a prince charming. hahaha.
I liked him, maybe love at first sight? haha. Maybe I got attracted by his height and eyes. The first time I saw him and talked to him, I am very nervous and I can’t even look at his eyes because I am shy. It was so funny he smelled me, I didn’t know he’s gonna do that… Luckily I smell nice haha :(( and I like when he smiles. The meeting was short because he got to go. I am so happy to see a guy like him. I went upstairs and left me a giggle.
After that, we used to talk in whatsapp, but I think I talk more. I used to share pictures that I took from different places and other funny stuffs I found in the internet. I asked him a lot of questions because I am interested to him. One day, I asked him what are his travel plans, if he had done diving or what he usually does in weekend. I wanted to go to Bali and try some water adventures there, and asked him if he wanna go. He would love too but then, he’s going to leave soon and besides he got no Indonesia VISA yet. He’s gonna leave Singapore maybe on the 1st or 2nd week of June and will fly to northern Europe. I feel like I got hit by a very sharp arrow in my heart and started to cry. But it’s okay, that’s how it is. People come and go, even a short period of time.
I had so much fun every time we take a walk in the park and chat about things. Share a few experiences. I wish he could stay longer because I want to make friends with him and hang out. He’s cool.
I used to go behind Labrador Park, from there I walk going to Keppel Bay and Reflections. I like it because it is something I could never have. Something I can only see from far and would never have a chance to get in my hands. I see a lot of luxurious yatch, landed houses and condos. Happy family living together in a luxury. Very nice and neat place. Beautiful people and cute pets. I’ve been dreaming that one day I could bring my parents there, got a decent job that pays me well, travel and go to different places I want. Experience all the cultures and etc.
So this guy I met, I wish I could see him more often before he leaves Singapore. I want to spend sometime with him because I know he got interesting things to share with me.
Maybe I am lonely? Maybe I am looking for a partner? Maybe I am too tired being single? Maybe.
I don’t wanna be emo. As much as possible I stay away from my feelings because I might end up hurting myself again.
I also don’t want to assume and expect something because I know it’s not gonna happen. It won’t… and never will.
Here I am, wring this blog post, lonely, talking to myself. Why am I here? Why am I bound to be lonely?
I’m sick of being alone. Nobody wants to be alone, everyone deserves to be happy. Why can’t I be happy?