Do you believe in dreams?

Do you believe in dreams? Or do you believe that those unexpected things will really happen? I am a victim of this fortune. I am not so sure if this will really come true, but it’s almost there.

I recently applied for a job as a Web Designer in a very well-known world leader in booking accommodations online – Booking.com. It was 1st week of September that I received an email regarding to my application that I had been shortlisted and asked me to allot a time for a Skype video call interview with the recruiters. The interview was scheduled last Monday (8th of September around 9pm) It was pretty intense because first of all: it’s a video call! I am concerned of how I look on web cam, do I look good? am I too Asian? LOL! Anyways, to sum it up, I was able to answer the questions confidently to the best of my knowledge.

I received an email from the HR on the next day telling me that the recruiters will fly from Amsterdam to Singapore for a face-to-face interview. I was sooooooo excited and at the same time nervous, that I will be able to see these two good-looking man for real! HAHAHAHA. (Oh-em-Gee, I’m too perverted) Sorry. Anyways, moving on. I was scheduled on the 12th of September at the grande building of Marina Bay Financial District. I really love this place because of the ambiance and the people around will give you more encouragement to work. Everyone’s busy and well-groomed (Maybe because it’s the Financial District of Singapore). I always dreamed to work in a very professional environment where everyone wears suits and ties, skirts and heels. I don’t know, I am too modern and futuristic.

Again, I had a pretty intense conversation with the recruiters and some people from other department. I gave all my best and energy just to get this job. I really want to and I am dying for it. This company is a big shot and has a lot of things to do. I would really like to extend my experience and explore more because I am too young. I still have lots of things to learn!

 

And now, Monday morning, went back to normal, my exhausting sad life is back, sitting in-front of my desk, replying emails and continuing doing my projects when the HR from Booking called me regarding to the result. I FREAKED OUT LITERALLY!! I almost cried when she said that they need a Singaporean blah blah.. I knew it, it’s all about the quota or whatever the reason it… and then suddenly she told me about the offer to move to Netherlands. I was like WHAT THE FUCK AM I DREAMING OR NOT? She had mentioned everything about the result and what will be the next procedures. OMG JESUS! She even told me about a business trip going to Amsterdam. WHICH I NEVER THOUGHT OF GOING THERE BECAUSE FOR ALL I KNOW IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO GO TO EUROPE. I am way too poor and can’t afford to travel there… and there you go… AN OPPORTUNITY APPROACHING TO MY LIFE. I CANT MISS IT! I SWEAR TO ALL THE ANGELS AND DEMONS OVER MY DEAD BODY. I WANT IT!! Unfortunately, my stupid Philippines passport requires a VISA to Europe. Huhuhuhu. I don’t wanna lose hope ๐Ÿ™ But I am still looking forward for it. I wanna cry if I didn’t get this. It’s really almost there.

 

At the same time, it’ll be my chance to earn EUROS, save and support my family. For the past 3 years in Singapore, I feel guilty that I only give a few of my salary to my parents. Because if I gave all, I won’t survive anymore. But please for the sake of opportunity and responsibility. I’d like to work in Booking.com ๐Ÿ™ I watched the videos from recruiting website, the employees reviews, and I even stalked the people in instagram who works in Booking LOLOLOL. I started to read articles about Amsterdam, expat life, blogs and stories. I think I’m getting obsessed. And who knows, I will meet my future man there?!! HAHAHAHAH. I am Single and ready to mingle and tingle. ๐Ÿ™

My broken ankle got friendzoned

Last Tuesday, I was going off to work and I accidentally tripped off our stairs. My flat shoes was really loose and the incident was too fast, I didn’t know it gonna be like that. LOL. So I asked my housemate to buy me a bandage and an ointment to treat for the moment before I go to the clinic after lunch time. The doctor prescribed me few medicines and given me two (2) days Medical Leave. It wasn’t that really bad, was just a minor sprain that twisted my ankle.

On the next day, I feel relieved but I could still feel some throbbing on my ankle. However, that night I’ll be having a dinner together with our creative team, and from other department. I don’t want to mention all the things in detailed, but to sum it up, the guy I used to see, joined us at the bar. He was a few hours late, but it’s okay, we just hang out as the night goes on.

A lot of laughter, jokes, mix emotions and shits happened that night. I didn’t really care but after our dinner, on our way home, I was with him sharing a cab. I felt something strange. I think I have a mood swings lately. I was just looking far at the window. Thinking too much and wishing that I want to end the night coz I had a rough day dealing with my sprain and my heart. Maybe I should stop chasing the stars that I could never even reach from afar. Fucking emo right? L-O-L.

I know this has been an obsolete lines to say but I’d really rather have a broken ankle than a broken heart. I may fell off the stairs and sprain my ankle many times, at least in few days or a week time, it’ll heal. Unlike falling in love, no matter how many days and years had passed, a broken heart can never be mend.

I met this guy

There’s this guy I met in an online dating app, it’s the so-called OkCupid. To be honest, most of the people there looking for fun, casual sex and if had a chance, a lover or a partner. I am not literally looking for fun, but I am just lurking around and see what’s going on, see the faces of handsome guys, and read their profile. Because I know I had no chance to date them because I am only an ordinary girl with no appeal. I am just a normal human being. There are guys who sends me messages, but it’s all the same like “Hi” “How are you” “Hello”… For me, it doesn’t make sense, maybe find another line to start a conversation?

Going back to the guy I just met a few days ago, well I think it’s already a week. It was so surprising that he is living behind our place. Just a few walks and tada! So I had a chance to meet him in person. The first time I met him, he said he’s just gonna pass by to my place since his way going to the bus stop is there. It’s unplanned and a surprise, so I went downstairs and saw him waiting for me. He’s very tall, about 186cm?? For me he is tall because I am Asian. He got a nice pointed nose, fair skin, deep set eye, I think his eye is blue, a dirty blonde hair (I am not good in naming hair colours though), and he smells good. He’s from Ukraine, decent and very friendly. Seems like I found a prince charming. hahaha.

I liked him, maybe love at first sight? haha. Maybe I got attracted by his height and eyes. The first time I saw him and talked to him, I am very nervous and I can’t even look at his eyes because I am shy. It was so funny he smelled me, I didn’t know he’s gonna do that… Luckily I smell nice haha :(( and I like when he smiles. The meeting was short because he got to go. I am so happy to see a guy like him. I went upstairs and left me a giggle.

After that, we used to talk in whatsapp, but I think I talk more. I used to share pictures that I took from different places and other funny stuffs I found in the internet. I asked him a lot of questions because I am interested to him. One day, I asked him what are his travel plans, if he had done diving or what he usually does in weekend. I wanted to go to Bali and try some water adventures there, and asked him if he wanna go. He would love too but then, he’s going to leave soon and besides he got no Indonesia VISA yet. He’s gonna leave Singapore maybe on the 1st or 2nd week of June and will fly to northern Europe. I feel like I got hit by a very sharp arrow in my heart and started to cry. But it’s okay, that’s how it is. People come and go, even a short period of time.

I had so much fun every time we take a walk in the park and chat about things. Share a few experiences. I wish he could stay longer because I want to make friends with him and hang out. He’s cool.

Lonely
photo credit: Waheed Akhtar Photography via photopin cc

I used to go behind Labrador Park, from there I walk going to Keppel Bay and Reflections. I like it because it is something I could never have. Something I can only see from far and would never have a chance to get in my hands. I see a lot of luxurious yatch, landed houses and condos. Happy family living together in a luxury. Very nice and neat place. Beautiful people and cute pets. I’ve been dreaming that one day I could bring my parents there, got a decent job that pays me well, travel and go to different places I want. Experience all the cultures and etc.

So this guy I met, I wish I could see him more often before he leaves Singapore. I want to spend sometime with him because I know he got interesting things to share with me.

Maybe I am lonely? Maybe I am looking for a partner? Maybe I am too tired being single? Maybe.
I don’t wanna be emo. As much as possible I stay away from my feelings because I might end up hurting myself again.
I also don’t want to assume and expect something because I know it’s not gonna happen. It won’t… and never will.

Here I am, wring this blog post, lonely, talking to myself. Why am I here? Why am I bound to be lonely?
I’m sick of being alone. Nobody wants to be alone, everyone deserves to be happy. Why can’t I be happy?

Wandering around Malacca and Kuala Lumpur

Nothing special. It was just Me and my friend Rey, together with his cousin, Robert went for an overnight trip going to Malaysia last March 16. We took a coach from Golden Mile Complex, Singapore at 11:00pm and approximately 2.5 – 3 hours to arrive Malacca City. One-way trip costs 25$ per head and if Two-way is at 45$. However, since we just bought the ticket the day before our departure, the returning trip schedules on Sunday were fully booked already.

On our way to Tuas exit, we went to sleep since we got nothing to do and at the same time, it’s a night trip. As the bus reached Malacca City, and the bus stopped for a moment at the so-called “Melaka Sentral”, there were only 2-3 people packed up and take off the bus. We have no idea it was our dropping point but my friend insisted that there might be another bus station since the coach driver didn’t informed that those passengers going to Malacca has reached their destination already.

While observing the calm and placid surroundings, our bus went to the express-way. Since it’s 3am, we don’t know where to go and there’s no public transport available, we just continued our sleep till we reached Kuala Lumpur at 5:30am. We decided to wander around the city, took some pics at Petronas and KL Tower then ate at McDonalds for breakie while waiting for 8:00am. Then we went to Terminal Bersepadu Selatan to take another coach going to Melaka. No hard feelings, costs only 15RM. It was fun tho! Unexpected trip to KL.

Finally we arrived our real destination by 12:00nn and ate our lunch before we walk to the hotel. Unfortunately, it is not advisable for us to walk since there’s no gutter lane for people and public transportation such as bus or train. Malacca is a very isolated and old-fashioned city. You would really feel the spirit of traditional Malay style. We had no choice but we took a cab (called as “teksi”), thought it’s gonna be very expensive but it costs us 15RM per ride no matter how near or far – but just within the city.

Super cheapo expenses and lots of walking if you don’t have a car or service. Just be careful ๐Ÿ˜€
We enjoyed our stay: Sort of wandering around the old streets, visited church that has been established for more than a century, eating local foods at Jonker Street, Take groupie/selfie pics, challenging motorist while crossing the road, and most of all – walk and walk till your feet covered by dusts and mud.

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To Leave a Mark

February 8, 2014, 3:00AM
I just got home from watching a late night movie screening. Me and my office-mate, Lynette, went to buy something in Vivocity after work. As usual it’s Friday, we treat ourselves to eat in a Japanese Ramen restaurant. I wanted to watch “Wolf of Wall-street” because I haven’t seen it yet but then, Lynette already did. So we ended up watching “The Book Thief”. Since it’s weekend, we took the last screening.

The Book Thief is a novel and was narrated by Death. When I say “Death”, it’s not a name of someone. It’s literally an “action or fact of dying”. Grim-reaper I think? Why am I talking about Death now? Because it’s a proven fact that we can’t control our life, at the same time as the narrator– Death. There’s no way he can control over life and death, and frequently calls upon God with, What if it’s tomorrow? on the next day? Maybe later? Who knows right? I am afraid of dying especially I haven’t done something for my family and for myself. I value my existence, and I just realize this thing when I was at 22yrs old.

Way back then when I was under my parents’ control, all I think is freedom. I want to get out and live independently. We’ve been there, done that. The point where we rage and get mad to our parents about their words: “We are right!”. How am I positioning myself to the movie? Death, parents, family and friends. For me, I always want to settle things before I leave. I don’t want to put a mark that something is missing. I also believe to the saying: “Pen is mightier than a sword”. Through all these years passed by, what was written in a piece of paper will be a mark to liberty. Each content was crafted by the author that even they were long gone, they are remembered.

As for me, Death will come to my life. So before I met him at the crossroad, I want to do everything that I can possibly do. I won’t waste every opportunity and privilege. I’m 23 years old at the moment of writing this current blog post. Life is too short, I was once a student before, trying to rush things, now I want to slow it down. How ironic isn’t it? Maybe it’s a part of growing up.

I hate that I love you

After a long years of waiting. I am still waiting. I know being single is not an issue, but sometimes, you will really feel lonely. We need someone who will be there to keep us inspired, give courage and make life worth to live. I know I still have my parents, they’re always there no matter what happen, and I love them. They are the reason why I exist and they gave me an everlasting love, patience and understanding. Mama and Papa, my heroes.

I may not be a spiritually-inclined person, but I still believe that God has a plan for us. As I grow up, I become mature, independent and adventurous. I still need someone who will love me ๐Ÿ™ and will accept for who I am. After all, I am only a normal human being. I get hurt, I need love, I need a kiss to caress me when I feel alone, a shoulder to lean on… and fuck it… I don’t have someone to cherish the moment.

Few months ago, I remember I’ve been blogging about this guy I met in an online game. Approximately, it has been 6 months since the last time I talked to him, he said he’s gonna be busy… In the end, just the same ordinary story about my love life (well my e-love life I guess…) he disappeared without leaving any words. Four (4) guys over the internet ditched me. I know it sounds so fucking stupid, but what can I do? We’re in a tech-era. Social networking, online games, internet shit and this and that…

I had been an avid online girl gamer since year 2004. I played different MMORPG, and it has been my social life in the internet. On the other hand, I met some of the players in real life too. Up until now, I am still connected to some of my guild-mates even we are no longer playing games while others still play. Being a gamer, I had e-boyfriend(s), I also experienced e-dramas and sometimes when it’s too serious, it affects -real life. I came to the point that I stopped playing “Jade Dynasty” which is – the online game that I played for the longest period of time. I started at the original English version year 2008 called Zhu Xian published on Philippine server, and after the gaming publisher failed the marketing, I transferred to Jade Dynasty, US Server at year 2010. I once made a history in that game, and my name was never been a good impression because of the people who hated me. Some took it personally, some of them became my friends… and met them in real life too.

umarried

I hate that I love this guy up until now, even he’s no longer talking to me. I am still hoping to see him one day. I am still here waiting. I wrote this blog because, I am tired of online games, and I want to settle for a long term relationship. I am turning 24 this year, and do you think I am still young? Yes I am young, but I realized that the world is too small, and our life is too short. Who knows on the next day, there would be an accident? (Knock on the wood)… but just saying… Who knows? We will never know what will happen to our life, because life goes on and once it stopped, it’ll be a sad story if you never achieved something fruitful when you’re still in this earth.

Before I leave, I want to make my parents happy and be with someone’s arm. We’re all the same, and we want a family. I hate that I still love you although Kaan doesn’t really love me. I’m actually supposed to send my CVs and cover-letters to some New Zealand companies because I am hoping I could get another opportunity since my working visa in Singapore will gonna expire in 2 months. But then, I saw this guy suddenly got online in Skype, my emotion burst and made me cry… so I blogged again ๐Ÿ™

I totally hate you… but I love you… still.

PS: I QUIT playing online games. There’s no way that I am getting back there. It just make me sad. I will travel the world, and that’s my quest.

I travel because I want to see how beautiful the world is

I travel

This photo was taken by me on Top of the Rock, New York City last January 7, 2014. I really had fun traveling and meeting new people from different places during my 3-weeks stay in USA. For all I thought it’s gonna be very scary but I was wrong. It was a great experience to navigate and explore the big city.

The unforgettable moment is the New Year’s Eve 2014 countdown in Time Square. It’s really my first time to wait for almost 8-hours standing in a very cold and chilling weather sacrificing myself not to eat and drink because there’s no way of getting back your spot. There’s no bathroom to take a leak. It’s your-own-risk challenge how long can you stand waiting for the sake of 10-seconds countdown and witness the ball drop. I know some people say it’s stupid but why don’t we try how stupid it is? LOL.

At that time, I’ve been thinking crazy and trying to imagine things of what will happen to me if I freeze to death? Hahaha. To experience it one-time is enough. I won’t do it again, and I am proud that I’ve created something priceless event in my life.

I also met some of the couchsurfers before and after the countdown. We hang out, go to different attractions together, walk around and share our laughters. We also hop on to different PUBs and get along with the locals. They are very friendly and amazing. They will make you feel you are welcome and never treat you as a stranger.

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I also visited my friends from Maryland, Washington, Virginia and Boston. They toured me around and they can’t believe that I am brave enough to go alone in different states. I just believe to myself that I can do it because your life has no meaning if you can’t do things on your own.

I’m still young, I will travel the world, because I want to see how beautiful the world is.ย ย It’s not yet too late. There’s a lot of things will happen to us in the next 10 years. Why waste time if we can still meet new people from different places, then we’ll realize that we have one thing in common.

I love my family

I miss my mom and dad. It has been 2 years since I didn’t celebrate Christmas and New Year’s Eve with them. I didn’t know being an Overseas Worker will give a huge impact about my attachment with my parents. Maybe it’s a part of growing up that I actually want to spend my time with them.

I am not saying that I’m already too old to say these things but I just feel more mature. When I was at age 16, I always want to stay away from them and do my own stuffs: be free, party all night, hang out with friends and just be happy. I realized that what I wanted is a selfish move. Maybe I didn’t understand yet how important to have a family.

Sometimes I feel guilty when I skip to talk to my mom in skype whenever she looks for me. I feel bad that I prefer to be busy and ignore them than to give atleast few minutes to talk and say how’s everything.

My parents are VIP to my life. They are always there no matter what happen, through rain or shine.

I was an avid online gamer that stays infront of my PC for more than 8 hours. Whenever I view myself from the past, I feel sad and at the same time – laughing. I miss my dad every-time he caught me playing games till 3am, I rush to glance in my bedroom. I miss my mom every-time I forgot to do household chores and argue with her. I miss my parents every-time I did something silly and both of them giving me non-stop lecture.

You’re always in my heart. I love you so much. Thank you for all the thingsย  that you had done to me. You’re the best gift I ever had in my life.

To my mom: I know you’re talkative, but I think you’re just to overwhelmed and feel blessed to have me as your daughter. To my dad: I know you’re strict, but I think you’re just very careful with your only daughter. To both of you: I love you so much. You’re irreplaceable. Thank you so much for the hard-work and patience. I hope this 2014 will give us another hope, blessings and good health.

For all the people out there, love your family especially your parents. Spend all your time while they are still here. Better to do all the things before it’s too late and regret.

You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone.

I know it’s an emo side of me. LOL. Too dramatic. This song keeps playing on my head.
While waiting for my trip to USA, I always have a bad feeling. Maybe because it’ll be my first time to tour alone especially to a very fucking far place and I am not used with the weather.

I don’t know if it’s a bad thing or what. I just feel scared and start to imagining things of what will really gonna happen to me there. I just have to survive from the negative temperature. I know it’ll gonna be alright. Everything will be alright. I just feel something different.

Too excited? Maybe yes, Maybe – No. So from all these worries, I bought a Travel-shield insurance from DBS Bank. Just in-case something wrong happened to me, someone will save me. Hopefully.

I want to write a travel journal. Maybe a countdown till my flight, during my flight, my experiences along the road and such. I want to take a lot of pictures and treasure it. My passport is my personal status. It will how rich my memories are.

I’ve got my ticket for long way ’round
Two bottles of whiskey for the way
And I sure would like some sweet company
and I’m leaving tomorrow, whatdya say?

When I’m gone, when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me by my hair
You’re gonna miss me everywhere
And I know you’re gonna miss me when I’m gone

I’ve got my ticket for the long way ’round
The one with the prettiest view
It’s got mountains, it’s got rivers
It’s got sights to give you shivers
But it sure would be prettier with you

When I’m gone, when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me by my hair
You’re gonna miss me everywhere
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone


When I’m gone, when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me by my walk
You’re gonna miss me by my talk
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone